Yep, I'm a big terrorist

Note to would-be Santas with packages yet to send (get to it, slackers!) when the nice lady at USPS asks you if you've got anything fragile in there, do not say "Yup. A bottle of liquor." "What?" "SODA." Didn't work. I had to haul the darn thing to FedEx and pay $13 more, all because of my pernicious plot to combust the world with hot cocoa and cinnamon schnapps. Funnily, at FedEx he didn't even ask: it was like (mumbling to self) "hazardous materials . . ." (makes check mark) "There, you're all set." What a trustworthy face. (It helped that I found the earmuffs.) I would probably make a very good terrorist.