A new screensaver for the old brain

I logged onto AIM the other night, which I never do, to interview some old friends about The Mister, and got an unexpected reminder at the lovely variety of fish out there in the sea. Got an IM from Zane . . . someone I haven't seen since I was, oh, sixteen, and it's a mystery that I'm still on his list and that he messaged me. But what a pleasure, as he's a smart and interesting person, and as it sparked up daydream fodder of classic vintage. I was reading Streetcar Named Desire when I met Zane and the phrase "animal joy in his being," which Williams uses to describe his sexy (something like a) hero Stanley, immediately stuck to Zane in my mind. I thought then, and still think, that Zane is about the most perfectly composed male to my taste I've ever seen: a flatteringly direct gaze, compact and solid body, a loose stance and a cocky walk, and that amazing skin guys sometimes have like a constant blush visible under a tan, his skin that clear and his blood that . . . hot. HE was that hot. I used to sit behind him just to stare at the back of his neck--tan and vulnerable, glints of sun-bleached hair--and at the way his forearm widened into the elbow. My, my, did I ever sweat that boy. But he had a girlfriend (and you know those camp relationships) and so nothing ever happened. It was a few smoky gazes and lots of studious fine-you-have-a-girlfriend-so-I'll-ignore-you-just-to-show-I'm-in-your-league-ing on my part, which, come to think of it, may have worked, if that IM's any evidence. Huh. Anyway, how good, right, because no twentysomething in their right mind would consider getting back together with the old camp sweetheart, right? Eew! So hottie Zane and I still have a shot. Beautiful. Of course, it seems all these lovely fish who've been swimming my way reside in the general New England area, but fuck it. They can move.

Re The Mister: one of my friends, who happens to be female and I'm just saying, was incredibly helpful: "No, I don't think he's extremely eager to commit . . . Yes, it does seem strange that he's emailing you all the time even though you've never met . . . But I never got that from him, he seems like a pretty normal guy, though he was always goofy [that I got, and it's fine] . . . with his previous girlfriend, she was more the one who really wanted to be settled, not him." Thank you, K. Then my other friend, who happens to be male and I'm just saying, Griff:
Elle: Hey Griff, I just wanted to ask you if you know anything about The Mister.
Griff: Not really.
Elle: Because we've kind of been emailing a lot.
Griff: Huh. Weird.
And yes, he knows The Mister, and knows that I don't know him. Ex-treme-ly frustrating. Griff is a good, funny guy, a little problematic when drunk, who was "just like a brother" in school but has since undergone a major image change with confidence boost to match, to the point where I'm thinking about bumping him up into the "maybe if we're both single at 30" category, or something. Hasn't happened yet, though, I adjure you; he's still in the friend zone. Anyway, I think the lesson we can all take away from thie blogpost (which was really all an excuse for me to drool over Zane . . . ahhhhh) is the importance of confidence to the hotness of the human male. That, and if you want insight into someone's character, ask a woman.